I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
