cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
