My Higher Power is John Stamos
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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