Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
