There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
