first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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