Apparently you make a good broom.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
