so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
