apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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