I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
