this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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