the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize