you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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