I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And then my night got REAL pukey
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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