I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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