1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize