WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
