my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So much Jack, so little girl.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
