When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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