I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She bit a glass in half.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize