last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
