Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
