she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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