Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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