What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
