I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
thus making me awesome and them whores
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
