If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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