Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
