I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
