Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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