I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
