if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
