Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
