I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
