are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
