How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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