Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
