Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
