dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
