Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
