Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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