When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
