I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize