Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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