My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
