and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
