Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
