I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
