I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
