she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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