I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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