ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
