If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize