Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
