I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
