probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
