All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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