So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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