Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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