he wants to bone in the snuggie
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
