Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
