i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
