my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
