your parents love me but you hate me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
