You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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