Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
