i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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