life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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