I just threw up on my dentist
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
