that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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