I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
