You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
