i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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