You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
