Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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