In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
