Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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