Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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