just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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