I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
