Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
