:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
