Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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