Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She even gives head with a lisp.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
