The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
