She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
