Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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