I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize