Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
