He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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