She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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