this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ladies don't puke and tell
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize