I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
