8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
