I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
