.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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