please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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