My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
