I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize