I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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