I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize