we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
