and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
